Well kids, it’s that time of the year again. The time when you’re surrounded by family members you don’t really know/like to eat way too much turkey and pumpkin pie all in the name of pilgrims and indians.
In the spirit of the ole’ tradition of counting the blessings, I give you a list of various goods and nonsense I am thankful for this year…
1.Peppermint Joe Joes, or as I call them, crack. Brought to you by Trader Joes, these delectable cookies are life changing. Go make the purchase and see how quickly you go through a box, or two.
2. Herman Cain
. God bless him and his 999 plan for changing Amurrica one Godfather Pizza at a time. While he has had several unsuccessful runs for public office in the past, this go around has already proved to be more interesting, cue the sexual harassment allegations of recent. I also love the title of his recent bio, written but not written by him, cleverly titled This Is Herman Cain
– original. How very Republican of him.
3. The fact that I am not a Penn State graduate.
4. Funny women who write funny books
. Both Tina Fey (Bossypants
) and Mindy Kaling (Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
) have written pee-in-your-skirt funny books that are basically impossible to put down. I mean, it’s not every year that two successful and highly hilarious women in Tinseltown contribute such greatness to the world of literature. So buy em, read em, and then pass em on to your best girl or gay to read so you can laugh together.
5. Living in the South. I love that I don’t need a massive winter coat just yet, and it’s November. I love that although I drink unsweet tea I know that I can order sweet tea anywhere I go, including that tiny Thai place off Franklin. I love that people you have never met wave and smile, typically in a non-creepy way, and I love that the majority of the population have enough of an accent to be adorable. Also, Southern gentlemen and the SEC. You are welcome.
6. No more Oprah’s Favorite Things. Now before you lose your S on me and tell me I’m un-American, hear me out. I have always liked Oprah as much as the next girl, but admit it, she had gotten a little ridiculous – “You get a car! And you get a car!” Seriously, people? So yes, I’m sorry that I’m not sorry for being thankful that Oprah is no longer telling us what we should want but can never afford.
7. Bronzer. It’s crucial for the winter months to ensure you don’t look like you just got back from spending months in a Siberian basement.
8. “Dancing With the Stars” and “The Sing-off” are almost over. Happy trails to Nancy Grace in sequins and Nick Lachey in his Express for Men iridescent shirt. See you never!
9. For the good fortune of not getting a single ticket for car tags that expired sometime in April. In my defense I’ve been really busy, and yes, I’m on it.
10. 903 Coral and other people that I love
. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends who are so fun and think I’m fun, somehow appreciating my particular brand of ridiculous. To my hilarious roommates who I would be so boring without, thank you for loving me and uh, embracing my uh, idiosyncrasies as a roommate. You are two in a million. To all the other amazing people in my life who are way cooler than me, thank you for keeping my life so interesting and full of love. Now see, wasn’t that sweet?
So put your thanksgiving pants on and get ready to embrace the holiday. And don’t hold back on the stuffing and watching football all day on the couch – shopping on Black Friday will serve as your cardio.