Dear B: Is She Serious?

Hi B,

I am so confused. I don’t usually read blogs (other than your’s) but I read this one by accident, of course, and now I’m starting to question every female over the age of 29.

Actual Blog Excerpt:
“I feel weird in one way (there are like 10) because I emailed an old friend the other day.  He’s such a Houdini (I am starting that, it’s going to be all over the place – it means the kind of man who DISAPPEARS all the f*cking time for no reason).  We are friends – friends who have made out.  But we’ve both dated other people – I don’t know. And he can do the BEST impression of Chewbacca.  Also, once we were all watching football with my friends when he visited me in Atlanta and some of my dicky guy friends were like – “eat this wing, it’s so hot, it’s the hottest wing ever” and he said, “awe no, I can’t…” then grabbed the hell out of that wing and ate ALL THE HOTTEST ONES then taunted the guys – seriously, I don’t know when I’ve been more turned on.  I wanted to rip off my “Go Gators” t-shirt in the middle of the sports bar.  Still – what an impressive moment…sexy. Is it strange I find that sexy?  Would most gals agree?  A man eating hot wings like that – God, it was so MANLY and WEIRD!  It makes me melt thinking about it.  “You had me at ‘screw yal bring me MORE of your p**** wings'” – ah.”

How much should one divulge in terms of what “turns them on” and how do you stay classy while still speaking the truth?

Mazel tov,
K****

Dear Republican Liz Lemon,

Kudos for not losing faith in the World Wide Web completely after reading that “blog post” – assuming you were sober I’m sure that was a hardship you weren’t expecting to bear on a weekday.

I do applaud this “blogger” on her ability to censor herself, although classy she is not. No one wants to know what turns you on if what turns you on is a man “eating hot wings like that.” But hello, you didn’t even address the biggest question here – WHY does this woman own (and publicly wear) a “Go Gators” t-shirt? I’m not even going to address the Chewbacca impression since this guys sounds like a real catch.

My advice to you is to never ever ever ever read what homeslice puts out there, that is unless you are looking for terrible relationship ponderings and unwarranted cat references.

xoxo,
Katie

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