Trick’s Got Treats.

I have always loved Halloween, mainly because I welcome any excuse to tease the hair and wear some sort of festively creative get-up, typically involving glitter and lash extensions. The candy consumption and staggeringly high number of girls and boys in some sort of lycra bodysuit are enough to scare me into early menopause, but still, I welcome the black candles and sweet little trick-or-treaters. Still looking for a costume idea? That sucks. I will help, however, by telling you ideas that are guaranteed to not get you laid good candy:
A pumpkin (rotund is not slimming)
Taylor Swift
Anything involving wearing a box
Anything involving wearing a sheet with holes for eyes
A Snuggie
A sexy nurse, cop, cheerleader or maid…puuulease, evolve!
A pimp OR a prostitue (cue Jack)
Anything so complicated that it takes a ten-minute explanation before someone politely runs away
High School Paul Ryan (Homecoming King, 1987)
Any representation of a bird

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