B’s Guide to Holiday Parties.

Ah, holiday season is here again: the time of perpetual joy and too many parties thrown to celebrate sugar sweats and an obese, albiet lovable, hologram with a white beard. Now I love Christmas, so much in fact that I have committed to an exhausting number of holiday get-togethers, and yes, my chiropractor is concerned. As you can see, getting social this time of year is not for the faint of heart, aka you need an action plan. Here are the Do’s and Don’ts I’ll be using to help get me through the next twelve days of holiday schoomozing and socializing. 
Do: Smokey eye, nude lip and hair that has been brushed.
Don’t: Glitter dresses, glitter belts, or anything in the sequin family…unless you just look awesome.
Do: Has showing a little leg ever been out of style? Show some leg; tights optional, heels preferred. 
Don’t: Drink eggnog. I don’t care if it’s the only beverage spiked at the lame-o church party you sadly agreed to attend with your aunt Judy. It’s gross and has the consistency of a Twinkie dipped in whole milk. 
Do: Make good on all the mistletoe and make-out with someone, anyone really, besides your second cousin who you pretend to not find attractive. A cousin is a cousin. 
Don’t: Eat only sweets. You want to feel jolly not look jolly. Diabetes is real, and everyone knows that Santa won’t bring you an iPad 5 if you’re fat. 
Do: Pretend to know a person’s name even if you haven’t seen them since high school and couldn’t remember their name if they bribed you with alcoholic candy canes. Smile and say, “Hello you!” Works every time. 
Don’t: Use ridiculous holiday-focused pick-up lines or conversation starters. These include: All I want for Christmas if you, Have you been a good girl/boy this year?, Care to jump on my sleigh?…and my favorite, I’m sure you’re on my naughty list.
Mazel tov,
B

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