I woke up this morning and just like any other Tuesday I started making my four-course breakfast because that’s what I do. So yeah, I’m standing there flipping my spinach/feta/egg white omelet, sipping my freshly-pressed coffee and then it hits me: I will never find a Jon Hamm. There’s Jon Hamm and then there’s every other guy out there. I’ve never even met a guy that has come CLOSE to being Jon and well, now I am thoroughly depressed. How am I supposed to get through the day?
Dear Kristen Wiig,
Let me start by saying that we have all come to this harsh realization at some point. It’s tough, watching Jon be broodingly handsome in a suit for an hour every Sunday night and then watch him be his hilarious, scruffy-faced self on SNL and talk shows, alike. He’s just out there doing his thing, being his unattainable self with this beautifully normal girlfriend who he’s basically married to, driving around LA acting like we’re not all watching. So while he’s doing all of THAT, the women of America are in the trenches, dating and not dating, depending on the day.
Do keep eating breakfast – excellent practice, keep it up. Feel free to send any of that my way via carrier, preferably on weekdays.
Don’t watch old episodes of Mad Men or 30 Rock. Not the time.
Do think of Jon Hamm as Don Draper, circa Season Six. Thinking of him as a dysfunctional, lying mess helps.
Do date an attractive guy with a personality and decent style. Style can be learned, personality cannot.