Dear B: The E-Breakup


Dear B,

I’ve been dating this guy who, believe or not, is both attractive and nice. He has a great job which he hates and loves to take me to movies, so yeah, I thought it was true love. Then he went to DC for business and all of a sudden I get an E-MAIL saying he’s thought a lot about “us” and there really isn’t an “us” because he knows he doesn’t have the time an “us” takes. What do I do now?

SOS, ******

Dear Taylor Swift Two Weeks Ago (Probably),

First of all, my condolences. I’ve never been broken up with via e-mail so while I can’t fully relate I do feel your anger/sadness. Breaking up is never easy, unless you’re stupid and you don’t sound stupid. Girl to girl, thank you for coming to me for assistance during this dark time and I assure you, you will get through this.

Now as for your next steps, you have options:

Reply with all the reasons why he’s an awful human and will never again find love

Compare him to an episode of Sex and the City (which should make anyone cry on the spot)

Refer him to Become You Life Coaching for Women (30 min free session!)

Send him a cat via Amazon Prime

Play dead

What would I do? I would keep it simple – you want to keep your class intact since he lost all of his by pressing send instead of picking up the phone. I would simply say “Best of luck” or if you’re feeling adventurous “May all of your dreams come true!” Now go eat a cheeseburger and feel better.


Screen shot 2013-05-16 at 12.00.38 AM

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