Bonnaroo 2014: What You Missed

 tumblr_m5mdusdvSK1qhsmllo1_1280I did it! I managed to survive another Bonnaroo, thanks to LOTS of water, good friends, veteran booties, mini-fan/mister and far too many pistachios/assorted trail mixes. Now that I’ve regained (most of) the ability to hear, I’m processing all the ridiculousness of the four days on the farm. Oh and let’s be clear: we did not camp. We’re far too smart for such shenanigans. We left the “riff raff” every night and went back to a sweet little cabin complete with a screened-in porch and yes, a hot tub in the living room with view of the flat screen. You’re welcome. The promise of a hot shower and good sleep in a real bed is all that kept me sane amongst 100,000 smelly, sweaty people for 8-10 hours. So whether you’re considering attending next year or you’re just here for the laughs – who isn’t? – here are some highlights from Bonnaroo 2014. In no particular order and yes, I am partial. Deal.

Jack White, Saturday Night Show, Main Stage

It’s no secret I have a slight obsession with this guy and every project he touches, but there is no denying his ability to put on a phenomenal show. Maybe it was because we were backstage or maybe it was because there were upwards of 100,000 people who didn’t move for 3+ hours, but this is one of the best shows I’ve seen. Period. I had my nerd-alert ear plugs in and still couldn’t hear for a solid 24 hours after. It was one of those “yes that really happened and I was lucky enough to have a front row seat” nights. Well played, Mr. White.

Kanye’s Rants That Kept Him From Actually Performing Which Led To Much Boo-ing 

Exhibit A: “If you’re a fan of me you’re a fan of your _____ self. They try to make me look CRAZY.  I don’t see the people in the press performing for 90,000 people. They can’t even perform for they CHILD.”

Exhibit B: “In all honesty this may not come off as humble but I’m not concerned about anybody who’s actually living. When I talk about Walt Disney (pause), Henry Ford (longer pause), Shakespeare (pause)…they all had they time on earth. I’m only 37 and I’m rocking for 90,000 people RIGHT NOW. So I’m not going after anybody on the radio, I’m going after Walt Disney.”

Exhibit C: “Somebody once told me if you have 100,000 people jump at the same time you can feel the EARF move so JUMP!”

Amish Donuts – Hot and Ready and Amazing 

Those Amish really know what they’re doing and let me tell you, there is nothing sweeter (pun the pardon) than a massive, hot donut handed to you by an Amish brother after a long day of listening to music.

Valerie June 

She’s one of my favorites, and not just because I adore her entire family. We go way back. The girl killed it and looked fabulous in 90 degree heat, singing tunes from her album + old church hymns that made my heart happy.

First Aid Kit

Two sisters from Stockholm with great hair and even better harmonies put on quite the show. They just released a new album – Stay Gold – and I highly suggest you give it a listen on your next road trip.

People Watching That Trumps Anything You’ve Ever Experienced, Trust 

Everywhere I turned there was man tank covered in cats, Biggie Smalls, an assortment of Aztec prints or my personal favorite, “Skys Out Thighs Out.” There was a guy who wore an actual TV, a girl with a Kanye backpack, lots of guys dressed up as random superheroes and WAY too many girls who seemed to have thought a top made solely from neon orange duck tape was a good idea.

I love you, Bonnaroo but you can’t compete with a show at the Ryman with a trip to Jeni’s after.


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