when your adventure feels more heavy than fun

Last week I turned to my husband and after a big ole’ sigh I admitted, “I’m tired of everything feeling so heavy.”

If you know me, you know I prefer to keep things light. It’s not that I don’t like to dive into the nitty gritty when necessary but I prefer to live on the bright side. I pride myself on being an eternal optimist, choosing to steer clear of anything too dark or sad if I can help it because YOLO. Life is way too short to be down, am I right? But lately things in our little world have felt so heavy.

Leaving our fixer upper and riding the real estate roller coaster trying to sell it

Leaving our church home of two and half years and starting all over again with a new one

Relocating but not in a house of our own quite yet

Friends and extended family going through tough stuff

Hurricanes and shootings and nightly news that is downright scary

I thought life was supposed to be a grand adventure, full of exciting experiences and risky undertakings. Some adventure, right?

I was feeling down and ready to throw myself a little pity party when he turned to me and said exactly what I needed to hear: “God is good and He will take care of us. He always has and always will.”

Weirdly enough my initial instinct was to argue or say “Um, yeah I know” but truth is, I knew he was right. I needed that reminder of God’s goodness when adulting felt too heavy. I needed that perspective shift to remember that God is with me and also goes before me. He holds everything together and like the song I sing to Annie every morning, He’s got the whole world in His hands.

Taylor gave me one of his famous bear hugs and I felt a reset in my body and mind as my brain went to one of my favorite passages:

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

-Proverbs 31:25-26

I remembered God’s goodness and His faithfulness, and I looked to the future. I made a mental list of every incredible blessing in my life and saw His goodness in a tangible way.

A healthy and supportive family

A husband who loves me despite my quirks

A joyful one year old baby girl who is growing like a weed

A fresh start in a new place with new opportunities

A job I’m passionate about where I can be creative (and most days wear my yoga pants)

Life-giving friendships

So okay, this leg of the adventure may not always feel like a party but that doesn’t mean He isn’t good. Going through the heavy days make the sunny ones all the brighter, realizing how sweet smooth sailing really is. In this world we will have trouble – our plans will get wrecked, people will let us down, dreams will get deferred and change will throw us for a loop.

Do we hold onto our own plans with such a tight grip that if things don’t go how we want, if they aren’t easy and uncomplicated, that we fall apart?

If you’re anything like me, when life gets heavy and you feel yourself cracking, you’ll cry. You’ll pray. You’ll take a long shower and then bake pumpkin bread at 9pm because baking is your therapy. Finally you’ll get a much-needed wakeup call from your person and realize that just because today feels hard, it doesn’t mean you aren’t moving forward. You are stronger than you think you are because of who created you.

So go ahead, rest.

Laugh at the sunny days to come.

Have confidence in a good Father who weaves every adventure together for good.

2 thoughts on “when your adventure feels more heavy than fun

  1. Oh so beautiful, a message we all should read & realize, yes God is in control, if things were always good we would not be understanding of those having hard times, we need balance, we need God in our lives now & always.
    You are very wise Katie Bell. Miss seeing 3 beautiful smiling faces.

    Margaret Martin

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