I didn’t notice it so much when we were dating or even during our engagement. It wasn’t until we had been married a few months and that wedded bliss included some *gasp* real life moments where we didn’t always agree on all the things. One of us would be upset about something, usually me and usually over something trivial involving miscommunication, and I would use all my words. I would say all the things that I was feeling and expect him to do the same – this is how we work this out and move on, right? That was my reasoning, so I would keep on talking. I soon noticed my husband didn’t use all his words – he stayed quiet.
And that drove me nuts.
I just could not understand why he didn’t want to hurry up and talk it out with me. I had plenty of words and wasn’t afraid to use them! Why couldn’t he? I just could not understand and it would only make me more frustrated…until he explained himself to me. He preferred to listen and take it all in, think about the situation as a whole and then talk through it. He had learned he did better when he took a beat or two to cool the jets and think through it all before just spouting off his in-the-moment feelings.
That took me back because 1) it made complete sense and made me love him more and 2) I was annoyed with the fact that I wasn’t able to do that myself.
Here we are years later and this quality no longer drives me crazy like it used to – I find it endearing and honestly, helpful. Admittedly I still tend to use all my words and say everything I’m thinking right off the bat, but my steady, thoughtful husband doesn’t count that against me. He allows me to lay it all out there and then when he’s ready, we talk about it and move on. He gives me that easy silence I need to be hurt, sad, upset or whatever and I have learned to listen carefully when he’s ready to share his thoughts because every word will be important. It’s one of the few ways we’re polar opposites in our marriage but hey, it works for us and has helped us work through conflicts big and small.
For all the reasons I love my husband this one is in the top ten – and to think, it used to drive me crazy.